Your Son Is... (Zachary’s Journey with God)
Zachary’s Healing Journey
Zachary, my son, spoke a full sentence by himself for the first time in 20 years on December 11, 2023! WOOOHOOO!
He is 29 years old at the time of this writing.
How did we get this breakthrough? Well, I’m about to give you the story of God’s goodness in Zachary’s life that led from needing breakthroughs to getting some breakthroughs. For those who are striving for their own breakthroughs, I am hoping Zach’s story will help build your faith and hope in God’s love for you. Maybe it will open you up to see God work in ways you did not expect Him to work in your particular situations. I would LOVE to see you have breakthroughs!
Here is the thing- Zachary’s story of God’s goodness is one where a person can read it and not believe God had anything to do with it. Many could jump to the conclusion that almost all the events I will share are just coincidences and hard work done by humans which helped Zachary say his first full sentence in 20 years. But if there is even a sliver of faith in you, which there is according to The Bible- Romans 12:3, then that portion of faith grows if you let it be fed by opportunities to see the direct workings of God AND what looks like the indirect workings of God.
That Holy Bible which is precious to Believers has whole books in it that contain many direct workings of God. But did you know that The Bible has a book in it that only has indirect workings of God where one could decide it was because of what humans did that people were saved from being killed? That book could be read by many who would possibly say, “Come on! There is no direct proof that God was involved in what happened in this book. All of the book is just a bunch of coincidences that worked out well for people who were going to be killed!”
Do you know which of the 66 books of The Bible I am referring to? I won’t spoil it for those who want to try and find the answer for themselves. I will put the answer at the end of the article with an *sign that you can scroll to for the answer.
Zachary’s conditions obstructing his speech and movement
I am not only going to share how we got to this miracle of a full sentence spoken after 20 years, but I will also speak of his other handicaps that have plagued him most of his life that God has been slowly touching as well. Here is a general list of difficulties Zachary has had to deal with: He did have ADHD but therapies when he was younger took that away, thank God! But he still struggles with autism, seizure disorder, severe retardation, scoliosis (curved spine), slobbers, cannot communicate in a manner that others can understand, does not understand most of what someone tells him, left foot broken when he was around 9 years old that the hospital did not set properly- very difficult time walking and severely haunched over, wears diapers that have to be changed- yeah, lots of laundry, cannot bathe himself or brush his teeth alone. That gives you enough to get a decent picture of what Zachary faces… and the people around him.
Special note to my regular blog readers- this is also an update from the post where I left a cliffhanger on what happened when we got in trouble with our neighbor because of Zachary’s loud stomping and fit-throwing. That post was left that way because I obviously did not know the future myself and what would happen. LOL! The quick answer is that God stepped in and helped us with that situation too with His wisdom. The long answer will come later in this article 😉. For those of you who would like to catch the story of how we were in trouble with our neighbor, here is the link.
In The Beginning…
Well, ok, just the beginning of this particular story of God’s work in Zachary’s life-
When he was around 6 years old, I had found a therapy for Zachary in Costa Rica that might help develop Zachary’s ability to speak, comprehend, and calm him down from severe ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder- He was a very active and all over the place boy). With all the other severe problems, I was still looking for treatment for any of his woes. So I brought Zachary to the office of a Psychologist who used a machine to help develop Zachary’s brain. We went to that office a few times a week. After about 6 months I saw small improvements in Zach, but I really felt like there must be a faster way to help Zachary.
I prayed while Zachary was in a session with this machine. I said, “Lord, there must be a faster way. I thank you for what we have and that there are little improvements. But I really believe that You can guide me to find a faster way. Please help!” This was a prayer made from gratitude and from a desire for better and more for Zachary. Just after Zachary’s session ended, a friend who had helped us get to this appointment said they had met a woman at McDonald’s while waiting for us. She had shared there was a therapy that helped her child out a lot. She had given my friend the directions and information to the doctor who administered this therapy. It is called Tomatis Sound Therapy (for those who like googling things and learning about therapies☺️). State-of-the-art therapies are not as common in a developing country in Central America. So this quick answer to my prayer is nothing short of miraculous.
I started Zachary on the Tomatis Sound Therapy somewhere around the beginning of 2001. This therapy consists of a special headset that is put on the head and then filtered music is listened to. Zach was somewhere around 7 years old when we started the therapy. Zachary could say some words but no sentences at this point. He knew his numbers, letters and their sounds because I spent hours and hours teaching him. He could do some very simple math.
Up front, I was told by the doctor to be patient with this therapy. Some people get results very quickly when they start and some take a year before they see a quick leap in their development.
This therapy does a lot of different developments in a human. It helps create neural connectors between the two hemispheres of the brain for instance. That takes time. The therapy also helps your right ear hear before your left ear because it has been found that many people who have learning disabilities, mental illnesses, anxiety, autism, depression, ADHD, or low energy, do not hear first from their right ear and somehow that creates an imbalance in the brain.
This therapy also does something else very interesting- did you know that your bones of the skull are supposed to hear sounds BEFORE your ears pick it up? Crazy cool, right?! Many people with the conditions I mentioned seem to have an imbalance of this mechanism in their bodies and brains as well and this therapy helps train the body and ears to take in sound properly.
And if that was not enough, the human being was created to hear the higher frequencies of sound to produce energy in the body which helps with healing and all functions of the body and helps a person feel calmer. And of course, those higher-frequency vibrations also develop neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain. So this is cool- God made the birds to produce high-frequency sounds that help our bodies and brains be healthy! Too many low frequencies like the sound of refrigerators or cars rob us of energy in our bodies and minds.
I realize I am geeking out on this information but it just reminds me of how AWESOME God has created us and everything around us! To ‘see and know’ this background information of how God made things work inspires me to realize how much care He took in creating us and everything else with such love and thought!
The Work Begins
To get results with this Tomatis Sound Therapy, we had to go to the doctor’s office a minimum of -I think 3 times a week- It was either 3 or 4 times a week. (I sort of need a break from my readers because all of this took place over 20 years ago and certain specific information is missing from my memory). Also, there was a minimum amount of time in each of those days that the therapy had to be administered: I believe the minimum was 90 minutes with a half-hour break in the middle of those 90 minutes.
And of course, the therapy was on the other side of town from where we lived; San Jose, Costa Rica is not known for their stellar roads. And back then there were lots of rotundas (roundabouts) to get through as you drove around. I was terrified of those rotundas! Wild and ferocious jungle driving happened in them. And I was the little mouse with white knuckles at the steering wheel praying to be spared by the rotunda predators. It was a serious act of faith-building to face those every day we went. It took great commitment, courage, and funds to do this therapy back then.
We dutifully went for a whole year before we saw any results. Zach was a late blummer. During that year, we did a ton of puzzles, looking at books, drawing letters and numbers, and anything else I could think of to keep Zachary busy, so he would not take off the headset, or hit other people in the room. His head was very sensitive to being touched, let alone by a headset.
The Breakthrough To The Heartbreak
After a year of therapy, Zachary went from one day not able to speak sentences, to speaking sentences! He even asked very simple questions which shows that his cognitive skills had developed as well. I was near tears then and even now I tear up a bit at the joy and gratitude; for the first time, I saw my son able to communicate in a better way, to speak simple sentences; he was 8 or 9 years old. A momma’s heart can’t help but be grateful. God had helped provide the strength and the unlikely way for this accomplishment to be made possible.
Just as we got to this milestone, trouble hit: My husband was severely cut in hours from work which meant no more money to continue therapy. Plus, my own health was struggling quite a bit.
I enjoyed just a few months of Zachary speaking before the therapy wore off and I lost my poor boy back to only speaking a few words. Yeah, I am definitely crying right now as I write this and remember😢.
Many people keep their progress when they stop therapy, but some do not. Unfortunately, Zach ended up in the latter group. I think he regressed because of the seizure disorder he has. It ripped at my heart.
Of course, I went into praying to God for help and answers. If one way was closing up, then He had other ways to help for sure. I had learned from God years earlier that Zachary was God’s son first before he was my son. I get to do only my part -provided through God- for Zachary and God knows better than me what His son Zachary needs- This truth was a growth in patience and faith in God happening in me.
God Gives Education On Physical and Spiritual Healing
From around 2000 to 2021 many drastic things would be experienced by our family. Costa Rica is not an easy place to live and gives many lessons to rely on God. A couple of experiences that happened in Costa Rica that will apply to this writing about Zachary are the stories of being led to go to a bilingual Pentecostal Church and the day when my husband broke his collarbone.
The Pentecostal Church Story
My husband and I took in an elderly woman who was quite capable but just needed a place to be with others to be watched. She helped a lot around the house and even helped with the kids (Zachary and Caleb) some too. This woman just had to find a bilingual church to go to when she moved in with us. She had come to us from the United States down to Costa Rica. And, as the blessings of God were on this woman, she accomplished finding a bilingual Pentecostal church all on her own.
The only additional thing she needed was a way to get there. This is where I come into the story- I heard a loving, peaceful, powerful, strong, and clear message in myself that said, “You are going to bring her to church, Katrina”. I was shocked and astonished which made me feel like this was certainly a message from God: Since I had grown up in a Christian fundamental church that kept the sabbath on Saturday, it was inconceivable that I would ever go to a Sunday worshiping church for any reason. The thought of going to a Pentecostal church pushed on my buttons that had been instilled in me that all Sunday-keeping churches were false churches. Supposably, I was never to go to such a church according to the teachings of The Bible I had been given. Since it pushed on my buttons, and I could feel a peaceful loving presence telling me to go, I realized that this was a clear test. It was time to choose humility and do something against the fear and pride that resided in me; so I went to church with this elderly woman and brought my two small boys with me as well. I admit I came there with a sense of severe caution at the beginning to not be ‘polluted’ by this church.
Lo and behold, God had sent me there to not only deal with my severe issue of having inherited the religious spirit that is full of pride and condemnation of others but also to learn about what Christ’s whippings and death on the cross did for us in this life and the next life. I had never been taught about this in the fundamental, strict church that I was born into and grew up in!
Do you know what Christ’s whippings and death accomplished for us when it comes to being healed in all ways and being spiritually set free? If you do not, or you need a refresher here are a few Scriptures to look up for yourself- Isaiah 53:5, and 1 Peter 2:24- this last Scripture shows Jesus doing the will of God which shows His will for all people in every generation- Luke 4:40.
This Pentecostal church had a healing and deliverance ministry. People came in for counseling to work on getting whatever healing of illnesses or deliverance from whatever spiritual entities were keeping them captive. Since Zachary was special needs, of course, I took him to counseling here. And while I took him to counseling I devoured tons of books from the church's very extensive library on the topics of healing and deliverance. I also bought a lot books for myself as well. I read books from many authors. Here is a list of some of them I can remember for those who want to look around for themselves- David Wilkerson (still one of my favorite authors), Kathryn Kuhlman, Derek Prince (This man DEFINITELY had a strong anointing for the gift of healing and deliverance! I watch his services on YouTube regularly and The Holy Spirit comes right into my room and touches me strongly every time I listen to them even though he is now dead and the services are very old), Smith Wigglesworth, Frank Hammond and Ida M. Hammond, Harold Hill. That will get you started 😊.
Although Zachary showed no outward signs of being healed or delivered from anything during that time, I believe that his healing was already paid for by Christ and that Zachary will be fully restored in this life- this last proclamation will probably make some of you stop reading because this sounds like too bold of a statement. I believe it because God’s will and truth are more real than what it looks like Zachary is struggling with on this physical plane. I will never stop believing Zach has his healing through Christ and I will keep pushing forward in growing my faith to see it accomplished. I have no other hope- there is not a therapy, or intervention, or person on this planet who has the full answers to Zachary’s freedom and healing. I have looked diligently and there is none. God is and always has been the only answer since He is the one who created Zachary. I have better chances of seeing the fruition of Zachary’s full healing by believing God is that loving and that powerful through showing His will by having Christ heal and deliver EVERYONE who came to Him, than believing in humans or having no belief at all. With God all things are possible and His will is always for healing. I do admit that He does seem to use many many different ways of healing and sometimes He uses progressive healing instead of an instant one. He knows what is best. I trust Him and I am open to any healing in any way He so directs.
I help Zachary by being someone who grows in faith and knowledge of God’s goodness through healing and deliverance. Faith is so important to God! Without faith it is impossible to please Him-
Hebrews 11:6- But without faith it is impossible to please Him (God): for he (she) that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
I diligently seek God and I know firsthand He rewards this diligence.
Now The Story of My Husband Breaking His Collarbone
My husband only went to that Pentecostal church a few times out of curiosity. Nothing stuck for him and he was totally not interested. In either 2010 or 2011, my husband broke his collarbone while riding his bike. I happened to have been out of the country helping someone at that time.
At this point, he had heard a lot of talk from me and the elderly lady about healing and deliverance from an uninterested distance. But when his collarbone broke from falling off the bike, that was the day he got super interested in physical healing from God. He was a researcher-type person and he went online and started looking up what he could find on getting healed from God. He really dreaded going to the hospital and getting anything done by doctors. This was the day he was born into believing in healing from God and he continued believing all the way to his death.
My husband found a very good teacher in God’s healing and delivering power that he used for the rest of his life. Pastor/Champlain Dr. Roger Sapp is his name. Here is a link to his website and ministry- https://allnationsmin.org/
I absolutely love Dr. Sapp’s ministry. He has a very grounded and mature education on the power of God’s healing and deliverance through what Christ did for us. Dr. Sapp is very good at helping a person grow in their faith in God’s healing power. He has been gracious enough to help us at times through the years by praying for us for various things.
Dr. Sapp will also be a part of Zachary’s story being told here in what is happening in 2023. Hang on to your seatbelts. 🚗💨
Oh- and by the way, Tim did not get an instantaneous healing of his broken collarbone, but God opened miraculous doors for him to go to the hospital and get the best medical professionals to help him very quickly. Trust me, this is a miracle in a developing nation that is backed up for months and years with patients to attend to in a broken social medical system! All praise be to our Creator!
Moving Along
In 2015 we moved to Germany. In 2021 my former husband dies of colon cancer, leaving behind two sons, Zachary and Caleb, both in their 20’s. Zachary is still special needs. The house has to be sold as there is not enough money to keep it up. It is too big anyway since it is time for Caleb to start his own life.
Zachary moves into a new home with my partner and me on Christmas Day, 2022. He wasn’t living with us before. A few weeks later we are in trouble with our neighbor because Zachary has a chronic temper problem and has a hard time walking so he stomps his foot as he is walked down the steps at 5:15 am. Terribly early, I concur, but necessary to get to a Day-Care center 40 miles away. Thus, the neighbor hears this every morning and it is a rude awakening that is not appreciated.
This neighbor creates quite a difficulty for us since we don’t know how to get Zachary to stop. How do you teach a special needs adult who does not understand everything to not stomp their feet when they cannot even walk very well? It seemed impossible. This part of the story is elaborated in that other blog post I mentioned earlier in this writing.
The Stomping Must Stop!
When the impossible comes to my life, I have trained myself to seek The One who can make any impossible situation possible. I have been in so many bad, impossible situations and have had to have a miracle that I cannot even keep track of all the stories! If God does not show up, I’m toast, and I know it. So, off to the diligent prayer I went to seek God’s wisdom on how to get Zachary to stop stomping and being mad all the time.
At this point, I think everyone wants a miracle to just appear and fix things. It would be great to see our giants just being hit with a stone and killed on the spot like King David’s story. Problem solved. But no. God decides, in His wisdom, to answer my particular prayers on my needs for my son/ God’s son, Zachary, in a different way- the long way where there are no flashy signs of God’s presence and workings that anyone but myself can see for sure is from God.
One of Dr. Sapp’s beautiful messages of encouragement shows up on my Facebook wall right after I have prayed for help with my problem with this neighbor and my son stomping. The message read something to the effect of if anyone wants Dr. Sapp to pray for them for a full month then give him a private message and a SHORT explanation of what to pray for. He was doing an experiment with this type of ministry.
I know a good deal when I see it!- If I can put my faithful prayers together with other people who have built their faith in God’s goodness, that is just a very good idea! So, I took Dr. Sapp up on his offer.
What Happens With These Prayers?
God first guides my partner and me on how to be strong in love, not allowing Zachary to throw fits, bite his wrists, hit his head, hit and kick others, and continuously stomp his foot. WE are the ones who are changed first by God to help Zachary change. And there is no strong blasting voice from heaven giving directions. The only thing there is to go forward is putting into practice what I already know: Each decision of what to do MUST be filtered through what is love towards God and love towards my neighbors as myself. That means that we must always act in love for ALL and think in love for ALL in EACH MOMENT. God has mercilessly…, I mean mercifully 😬🤪, drilled these two greatest commandments into me deeper and deeper as I grow older. Isn’t it AWESOME to learn how to control your own thoughts, hearts, and actions when others are pushing your buttons?! Man! Growing in love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control is a ride like being on a bucking bronco but the bronco resides INSIDE you (Galatians 5:22-25)🐎! I’m so happy for you if you cannot relate 😂.
With the internal work done in us, and the new healthy and loving boundaries we expect from Zachary, his old, negative habits start to be addressed; Zachary is growing in self-control which is a fruit of The Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Zachary is also growing in new-found joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, and a little more patience. It is slow but steady progress. After about a month of heavy and loving direction on Zachary, the stomping starts to dwindle more and more. He starts to wake up happy, smiling, and joyful instead of automatically stomping mad. Finally, no more issues with the neighbor and there are smiles from the neighbor when we cross paths! THANK YOU LORD FOR HEARING PRAYERS AND ANSWERING!
Furthermore, after a few months of moving into our new home, we hear rave reports of how Zachary is doing so much better at the special needs center he goes to during the weekdays.
He started going to this special needs center in 2015 when God pulled off some incredible miracles to get Zach there! The center is so special: They really love us and have done so much for us. Zachary has a place to go to see other people and be watched by a loving, trained staff. It has been the best years of Zachary’s life. Now Zachary is paying attention more and shows more signs of interacting in positive ways. He seems more active in wanting to communicate. He can move and walk better they notice (It’s because I have been faithfully putting him on a massage table myself and stretching him many times a week). The staff are impressed and excited.
What does it mean?
From my point of view, it means God has started the healing process and answered Dr. Sapp’s prayers and years of my own about Zachary. It seems that sometimes the real healing has to take place by being led on how to break bad habits that are stunting one’s growth. If God would have ‘zapped’ Zachary with all the healings he needs in an instant, it might be that Zachary would still have those bad habits that would just get him in deeper trouble now that he would be more capable with his healings. I believe that Zachary is being healed by God by directing his life to be able to handle the full healing as we continue forward. I believe we are witnessing partial healing and for now, a progressive healing as Zachary and maybe even us can handle that healing well.
All Good Things Sometimes Have To Come To An End
The center that Zachary was at since 2015 was just too far from our new home. We were having to get up around 5 a.m., get ready, and drive Zachary halfway to the center because the special needs bus would not drive to our new home to pick him up. That means we had to drive a half hour to the nearest place for that bus to pick him up, drive a half hour back, and then we had to do that same route to pick him up in the evening.
At the beginning of July 2023, after six months of driving Zachary to the halfway point, we just had to transfer Zachary to a new center closer to where we live for the preservation of our health and well-being. We said goodbye to our wonderful friends who have given us so much and went forward on new adventures believing that somehow this new center will be the thing Zachary needs to continue to grow.
Zachary was doing better and better at this point, albeit slowly, at not being angry and not using his old negative habits as his first, knee-jerk reaction to loud sounds, someone touching him slightly, waking up in the morning, and not getting what he wants. He was easier and easier to live with. There in July, we could finally take him to a restaurant and not be afraid he would get mad, mess up the table, or throw his plastic water bottle that we had to bring. Now, he started using a glass cup that the restaurant provides to drink. This is a huge, huge milestone for us because Zachary has had to drink from a special plastic bottle for most of his life.
In October of 2023, I decided it was time to have a meeting with the new special needs center to see how things were going and if they needed help with anything. Zachary was regressing into his bad habits a little at home and his ability to walk better and use his hands better to do things like picking up his spoon better was not improving even though he had a new physical therapist and a new ergo therapist (A therapist who works with helping someone learn fine motor skills like brushing your teeth or using a pencil). I had expected that with what I did at home and what they were doing at the center Zachary would be moving forward, not backwards. Zach was still calmer at home and not stomping around much, but he was regressing somewhat when he first got home from the center. Something was wrong.
This meeting did not go as I expected it would and I’m glad I came in with my partner so that he could help with some of the German language since he is a key player in Zachary’s life and education. Instead of hearing that Zachary was doing well, we were hearing that Zachary was having a difficult time integrating. He was super slow at all tasks, which has always been the case with Zachary. But his slowness was holding up everyone else, facilitators and other special needs patients alike. Zachary was hitting a lot and everyone avoided him. Zachary was angry a lot and it was unpleasant. Zachary got mad when he was asked to do anything. Plus, we learned that the physical therapist was only using the time to kick a ball with him, and the ergo therapist was only playing a puzzle with him for therapy!
I was so unhappy in so many different ways with what was happening and it took all the wonderful training of my difficult past that forced me to either choose to become a real jerk of a human being OR choose to become more patient, kind, gentle, forbearing, breathing first and remembering to love my neighbor as myself for the love of God before acting. This was another situation to get even stronger in those later traits. Man!😩...
This is why I was mad and using all the tools that I teach others to use on this website in this situation- I had strongly suggested that this new center allow me to come in with Zachary for the first few weeks to help Zachary integrate into the room. I was able to do this with his first center and things went very well because of this.
And no, I did not want to be there as an over-controlling mother; I wanted to be there because Zachary’s first language is English and he does not understand German like everyone speaks here in Germany. Furthermore, I wanted to be there so that I could get Zachary used to the new schedule he would have in the day, get Zachary to copy me in being nice to others like I have done in the past, help the facilitators understand his very simple language enough to be able to have a smoother time, answer any questions that come up, help them see how to calm Zachary down, and train everyone how to be able to deal with everything smoothly and lovingly. I offered this many times and the facilitators were stubborn that they could do it all themselves and did not need my help.
Zachary was at this new center for four months and has gained back a ton of bad habits because they did not listen to me, and they still refuse to let me come in and help out. Not to mention that I am partially paying for Zach’s therapies and NOTHING that helps was getting done! Yeah- breathing, feeling out of control with no options and still having to be calm and gentle to try and not make things worse😖.
The last thing these struggling facilitators need is an angry person in front of them. Trust me, it would only make things worse and they would feel more defeated and shut down. Zachary would get even less than he was already getting. The facilitators need open ears and hearts that are willing to listen and show that they are supported and they have people who will be willing to work things out together with them.
The truth is that the facilitators at these special needs centers are freaking amazing! They just have the natural gifts and training to help special needs people. Their hearts are totally in to serve and do a good job. That is their nature. I know them personally so I know. So, I know that the only way all of this gets fixed is by love and by Love=God’s help. Unfortunately, many helicopter parents and custodians are giving the facilitators such a hard time by meddling and self-centered demands, that they have to protect themselves by boundaries. Even though I know that I could save them a lot of grief, I respect their choices.
God Makes Possible The Impossible
If you read my posts or see my YouTube videos, you will occasionally hear me say one of my made-up mottos- “God makes possible the impossible”. It may sound cute to you but it is one of my very important lifelines to stabilize myself. It makes me go into faith instead of fear. It makes me not only hold on to faith but also hope and love. Literally, the only things that come with us into The Kingdom of God, and also help us make it into said Kingdom are faith, hope, and love (1 Corinthians 13). My goal is to get as much faith, hope, and love as I can possibly develop as fast as I can and hold on to them to the exhale of my last breath. Seriously, this is part of my North Star. The other part is what Jesus said are the greatest commandments- Love God with everything you have and love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:30-31, Matthew 22:37). If a person has REALLY accepted Jesus and God The Father into their lives and hearts, these values will be of utmost importance to them according to 1 John chapters 3 and 4.
Side Note
These ingredients to my north star are why what I write only caters to a small group of people and I am fine with that. I am definitely not an ear tickler- 2 Timothy 4:3. I mean, who wants to learn to control themselves even if others are out of control? Who wants to learn to love, even when you are hated? Who wants to believe that God is good even if God lets you go through hell on earth? Who wants to believe that God will make EVERYTHING work out for good for those who believe in Him and are called according to His purpose when it looks like nothing is working out? Who wants to really find peace that is only found by confronting what YOU choose to be unpeaceful about? Who wants to truly have patience which is acquired by being put in circumstance after circumstance of areas where you lose your patience so you can practice being more patient? And who is willing to pray for all of these characteristics to be given to them by God who will definitely answer these prayers because these prayers are according to His will? Do you know how you grow these characteristics? The answer is through difficulties.
These things, in a nutshell, are what I teach, practice, live, eat, and breathe. I am not perfect at it as you can see from what I write of my experiences and my reactions to those experiences. But I’m in the game and I’m not quitting.
So, those who have come to the end of trying everything else are usually the ones who keep reading and watching what I produce and also find the energy with God to not quit. Man, I am praying there will be more in The Body of Christ who chooses this difficult path where you have no choice but to believe that God will give you His strength to accomplish the impossible inside yourself. It’s the only path that builds Godly character and is pleasing to The King of Kings and Lord of Lords. All praise, glory, and honor to God our Father! Alright, moving on…
Back to God Makes Possible The Impossible
After leaving that meeting with the facilitators of the center, I stabilized my heart and emotions by breathing and remembering that Zachary was God’s child first and God can fix any impossible situation for any of His children. I had NO way to make things better and I knew it. Things were going to continue to get worse and not better without some miracles from Above.
It is time to push into prayer even more. But I know the prayers must come from hope, faith and love, not from a lack of any of those qualities. I must believe God makes possible the impossible for His children who believe (Matthew 21:22, James 1:6-8) I gave my life to Him so I am His child.
I think most humans, including myself, are a mixed bag of some faith but plenty of doubt mixed in between. I know that I was scared to admit this of myself as it felt like I was taught that I am super bad if I did not have full faith. Those who taught me in my family and at church strongly came down on me when I showed any signs of a lack of faith. This type of shaming only made me learn how to stuff down, deny my lack of faith, and put on a facade of faith. And man was my facade top of the class at making people believe I had faith! It was so good that I was convinced that somehow I had faith too since others would applaud me on my faith when I figured out how to get that facade working well. I have labeled this kind of faith, ‘fake faith’, or ‘imposter faith’.
How do you get out of this vicious fake faith and get into real faith? The only way I have found is by first admitting I had fake faith after I could see it. The symptoms of fake faith that I found in myself were:
On the inside…
I really felt like whining to God in prayer to try and get something from Him.
I had an attitude that I put my prayer time in but it was out of duty to say I did it and that if nothing happened it was not my problem since I prayed about it- but it was like a bitter attitude attached.
I felt like a third-class child of God, not even second-class. Why would God answer my prayers since I was just one of His low-life children?
On the outside…
I was a workaholic to try and fix the problem
I was a perfectionist to be perfect enough to try to be accepted and loved by God and humans.
I worked until I fell apart physically and/or mentally to fix the problem
I had the right words of The Bible to give others for encouragement, and I looked good on the outside, but I was discouraged on the inside- Yeah, a hypocrite to the max.
I did what I was taught in church and family to work like it all depended on me and pray like it all depended on God. This is a dangerous and deceptive teaching if taken out of a bigger context! If you work from desperation coupled with hopelessness while still praying, the spirit in which you are working does not line up with faith. It gets you nowhere! No one taught me this. I just spent decades of my life not working for me because of this issue and had no direct words from God to help me understand what I am teaching you right now. I just had to keep going until I saw the patterns with repetition of why things were not working and then try something else. The ‘something else’ I tried finally was the belief that God truly loves pulling off the impossible and making it possible. I had no direct proof that I could see that this was so, but I decided to believe it anyway because what I had been believing was definitely not getting me anywhere I enjoyed being.
God makes the impossible possible in my life and those around me was the belief that started to nibble at and heal all those inside and outside issues mentioned above. I started slowly seeing different results from my prayers and in my life.
Coming back to being in this impossible situation with Zachary regressing and having no power to stop it, I knew the answer was -drum roll please- An open, loving heart and a prayer of faith that God is good and wants all good things for me and for Zachary. He will provide a way where there is no way. And oh man does God open doors!
Open Doors
I think this first open door just shows that God makes perfect timing of things to come into one’s life to aid in the direction of healing: Dr. Roger Sapp asked me if I would like to have yet another month of prayer around this time. My right mind was working at that moment and I took up his offer. 😂 I made another short list of needs for Zach and a small update/testimony on what God had done so far for him and sent it off for more prayer.
Then, the second door started to peek its head a few months after Zachary moved in, somewhere in December of 2022: I was looking through my phone and an advertisement caught my eye on a therapy used with a headset that helped people with learning disabilities. My eye and mind are trained to see these advertisements because I had been praying diligently since Zach could no longer go to that Tomatis Therapy that helped him speak. This is 20 years of praying and looking for opportunities to use this therapy. Yes, 20 years- 2002 to 2022. And yes, I was also going for a full and immediate healing for Zachary all those years as well instead.
This advertisement looked like the same technology as the Tomatis Therapy Zachary did and got better on, but there was no indication in the advertisement that this company knew about Tomatis Therapy. But I bookmarked this company. The name of the product is called Forbrain. Here is a link if someone is curious to look at it.
Of course, I was totally excited since this product also showed that you use it at home! You did not have to go to a special clinic to use it! That makes it convenient and definitely cheaper.
I showed my partner and we decided that we needed a few things to be finished up before considering starting a therapy like this. Our life was super full and time for a new therapy that takes dedication and consistency just was not available yet. The Forbrain therapy idea got put on the internal shelf labeled, ‘Maybe Later’.
Patience, Patience
December 2022 passed with more prayer over Zachary’s healing and restoration. The first six months of 2023 passed before my partner and I got our heads above water from all the work we had piled in front of us from my husband dying in January 2022 of colon cancer.
In July, we felt that buying the Forbrain headset would work out. But even after I bought it I could not find the time to start it right away. Finally, the door fully opened and I ended up starting him on therapy on August 4, 2023.
Patient years of prayer and faith in believing our loving God hears sometimes is the only answer to our spiritual growth and then our physical breakthroughs. The only shortcut I have found is in focusing even more on patient prayer and growing in believing that God is good and has already provided a way to full growth and restoration in all areas of life. Isaiah chapter 53 is a good book to recognize God’s plan of full healing, deliverance, and restoration through His Son.
Don’t despise the wait that sometimes it takes to get healing or freedom. And don’t think God has not heard you even if it seems that nothing is changing for long periods when you seek Him. Sometimes the process of healing what is inside us before we can have and sustain the healing outside of us and into our world takes time. It’s not that it can’t take just a split millisecond to change, and sometimes it takes only that to see healing and freedom. But sometimes it actually would put us in a state of shock or hurt us worse to have things change so rapidly.
Here are two ways it could hurt to change fast:
We might not have the mental and emotional strength to deal with the new quick outside changes and we are not equipped to now navigate what to do with the new freedom. For instance, if my son, Zachary, all of a sudden could walk perfectly, talk perfectly, and understand perfectly, he would be expected to find a job right away when he has never been able to work before. He would have to deal with all the hassles of being an employee, doing his tax forms, trying to fit in the workplace, being responsible for being at his job on time, and figuring out transportation, not to mention doing his taxes. These are realities that would hit him instantaneously if he were healed right away. It might shock him to have to deal with so many new things just because now he would be expected to do them because of his healing. I believe that God is allowing progressive healing so that as he changes, his surroundings and people change with him at a pace we can all handle.
The outside relationships a person has would be too shocked and possibly unable to support the person healed into dealing with that new healing. And therefore the person is healed without support. A healing sometimes takes support to now learn how to navigate the new reality. This happens many times with people who are healed from mental illnesses instantaneously. Everyone freaks out around the person at times and does not know how to handle the quick change. The fears can come up like is the healing temporary, how do I interact with the person being restored, I don’t like the ‘new’ person. Again, sometimes a slower healing process that helps everything and everyone adjust a bit at a time might be more loving to give.
Whether a healing comes quickly or progressively, we can praise our Father in heaven for what He has done for us through His Son.
But Katrina, what if I put my faith in healing and nothing happens?
I have heard this question often from others, and I had this question in my heart for many years. I finally came to this conclusion on the matter:
It is not my job to get results. It cannot be my job because I do not possess the power of myself to heal anyone. It is only my job to believe God is so good that He wants everyone healed. It is my job to believe He can do it and will do it. Then with that understanding, I start to tell sickness and oppression to leave by Jesus’ authority and power since Christ gave us His authority and power. Read, Luke 10:9-19. That is faith in action.
Having this kind of faith in believing in healing helps me have a better emotional life full of hope. This translates to less stress and more joy and peace. It builds faith that will last forever and ever (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Believing the opposite, that God won’t heal, is to live a more difficult life for me. It means believing God is less than He is. The thought of life with a lesser God is a terrifying existence for me. I proved it is terrifying, and I don’t intend to go back into that terror.
I would rather look like a fool to the world, keep my faith and hope in my fully loving and capable God, and have way better chances of seeing Zach’s healing and many more amazing things. Faith in a perfectly loving God brings so much more peace to the spirit and soul.
If Zach does not get fully healed, it’s really none of my business. Zachary is God’s child first. It is my business to have faith, just as Joseph held on to faith in what his dreams indicated God would do in Joseph’s life. Joseph’s life looked pathetic and in the opposite direction of the dreams God gave him. Joseph believed anyway.
I have heard that Zach will be fully healed in this lifetime. That’s enough for me. I don’t analyze my faith away. I just calmly and steadily believe. I lose absolutely nothing by believing except any pride that may be hidden in me that would want to please people.
The Blessings Continue to Flow!
God keeps opening doors and giving the necessary things to keep Zachary in his progressive healing. Below is a small outline of developments with Zachary as my partner and I keep working with him and pressing into God. I do hope this post gives you encouragement to keep believing in God’s goodness to get your breakthroughs. Don’t give up! (Note for those who prefer videos to watch how Zach is progressing, I have a video on YouTube to make video updates to go with this blog post - or you can watch it below.)
Zachary’s Progress Timeline
Soundsory Headset Timeline
Another blessing came our way for Zachary as the company that makes the Forbrain therapy contacted me privately and let me know they also make another headset that develops the brain in a different way than the first headset. They call this headset ‘Soundsory’. My understanding is that The Soundsory headset helps with developing motor skills and coordination, and helps to be less oversensitive to touch. It can also help with Zachary’s slobbering problem with time. Of course, I got this headset too!
I have seen improvement in Zachary’s ability to walk better and be more stable on his feet within the little time he has used it. Zachary has used us as crutches for walking and it has been exhausting and now he walks on his own. When he does hold our hands, he does not pull us down to try to stabilize himself anymore. What a major relief! It seems like he might be slobbering just a little less as well at this point.
Want to see how he’s doing with your own eyes?
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Want to see how he’s doing with your own eyes? 〰️
Phew!
Thank you for going on this healing journey with me and Zachary!
I hope it will inspire you to keep praying, staying in faith, and believing in God’s goodness.
We Are Owned By Love,
Katrina
P.S. Here is the link again to the YouTube video that I made to compliment this blog post.
P.P.S Want to help me, help spread God’s message?
Here are some easy things you can do:
When you watch the video on YouTube, be sure to watch all the way through to the END.
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That’s IT!
*The answer is The Book of Esther. It’s a small book and I do suggest reading it to increase your faith in seeing God work in indirect ways in your life like He did in The Book of Esther.