How to let God’s Love Heal Your Broken Parts
“I might be broken, but I am never out of God’s love and acceptance. Breathing and thankful that THIS is the truth above all else.”
Today, every part of me says with genuine emotion, “I’m broken. I don’t know how to be fixed. I don’t have the answers. What is the answer? How long do I have to wait to find the fix or be fixed?” The sorrow runs to the depths of every part of me that I am aware of. All of my insides are crying, while my outside self is choosing to go veeeery slow, listen, feel the feelings, and not make any quick movements or decisions. I’m just being there for myself and being my own best friend first. Step one, do not abandon myself and my emotions.
A side inquiry comes to mind at the moment… Are you feeling anything like these emotions and thoughts?
“What do I feel broken about?” I give myself this gentle question and allow whatever inside me wants to speak to share and be heard- “I can feel and sense something spiritual that’s broken inside, but I cannot fix it. It is a problem bigger than myself, and I cannot see clearly enough to put my finger on it exactly, which adds to the feeling of being ‘broken’. I see the byproduct of what is broken but not exactly what is broken. The byproduct is that I believe I understand what God wants me to do in situations, and I walk forward in that, even if it’s uncomfortable. Then I cannot tell for sure if I heard right or if it was another ‘voice’ I thought was God because what happens after following what I believe God told me to do seems weird in what it provokes in myself and others. Some of the things it provokes are very good, but it seems at the same time it provokes unpleasant things too. It feels mixed, not pure.”
“I cannot tell if I heard right, and I just don’t understand what is happening with my obedience to what I heard. Or maybe I heard wrong, and I am really, really broken in hearing well and therefore walking forward in deception and making a mess for myself and others. I LOVE other fellow humans. I never want to hurt them, no matter how they treat me.”
“How do I practice and grow in things I am not perfect at and not hurt anyone? Yeah, there is no way. We all do that to one another. There is no way to avoid it. We are all children in the class of humanity on this planet. There is not a perfect one among us. And even if there could be, we would still think they were not because none of us have a perfect vision in The Spirit. We all need more salve for our spiritual eyes to heal- all of us.”
“And to add to feeling broken, my body is fighting Covid. I have done years of practicing and learning about the power of The Messiah’s sacrifice that brought healing to us on every level. Yet, I continue to be humbled by how much it takes to see the manifestation of the healing in the areas we need. I have seen healings and miracles. I believe. And OBVIOUSLY (at least to me), more practice is needed because I don’t feel like I see anything like what Jesus/Yeshua did when He walked the Earth. He promised bigger works than even what He did would be done. I deeply want to see that physically take place. Sigh, I am feeling like such a small, broken, weak child.”
This is not the first time, or even just the hundredth time, a similar pattern of feeling and speaking from inside myself has happened.
Have you ever felt this way?
One thing has changed: I don’t feel hopeless anymore
I cannot even remember how young I was when I started feeling these things. Actually, I cannot remember a time when I was free from these types of feelings. But, one thing that has changed is I don’t feel hopeless. I used to feel like I was in serious trouble with God and fellow human beings because I felt broken. It left me in survival mode. With all the tools I have shared with others that I have had to use in my own life for years, I now feel hope. I also feel like my full healing on every level is not up to me alone. There is a comforting voice (I believe from The Comforter) that grows louder and louder which also kindly speaks to me. When I stay calm and don’t shove my emotions into a dark room inside and close the door, I can hear that comforting voice. But I do remember when I was in survival mode and trying to ‘get it right and get myself fixed as fast as I could’, I heard voices – partly my voices, partly other voices – putting me down, emotionally shoving me around, trying to make me ‘get myself together and control myself’. Those voices and their power grow weaker and weaker and weaker. Oh, they are still there, but they are faint, and in my calmness, I hear another loving and more powerful voice than those other voices. It’s even stronger than my voice when I gently share my true feelings with an openness to hear and receive comfort, like a child who is slowly calmed by a loving rocking motion with a lovely song ringing in its ears.
I know God does not leave the broken. And I have learned what I think and perceive as being bad because of brokenness is often just the perfect place for me to be for the moment. He is not turned off, put up with, or even affected by my brokenness. He is not concerned with what I ‘break’ with my brokenness. Why would He have to be? In all His power, He can fix anything I break, including people, including myself. My brokenness does not threaten Him, and it never takes away His love for me. Actually, as the Apostle Paul reported that the Lord told him about his weaknesses (what I perceive may be broken places Paul wanted to be fixed), “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul continues, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I am God’s Child
I don’t claim to be like Paul in understanding. I don’t claim that I am the sharpest pencil in the room- others know waaaay more than I do. I do claim that I love the same God that Paul does and that I get to be God’s child for the very same reason Paul is His child. I do claim that I believe I am waaay more ignorant and broken spiritually than Paul. Whether my belief is accurate or not, I don’t know, but that’s what my inside self says about me from a genuine place. And in the end, it does not matter what is accurate because God is love. He loves anyone who is broken, anyone who is not functioning right on their own. He accepts those who are the rejects of the world, the broken, the basest of souls to live on this planet.
I am broken from my point of seeing. But I choose to believe that God is bigger than my brokenness, and He will glorify Himself in my brokenness and not allow my brokenness to take any honor or glory in the end. My brokenness itself will be broken by Him to being fixed (read Isaiah 61 especially verse 1, but the entire chapter). Actually, the healing of my brokenness has already begun and is in the process as I stay slow and let that Comforting Voice grow within me moment by moment, year by year. As I said above, the voices that haunt me are becoming weaker and weaker.
Jesus/Yeshua said He is the one who came to fulfill these things. He showed His power through His many healings, signs, and wonders, He did before He was crucified. Then the ultimate sign- death could not hold him captive because life is waaaaaay more powerful than death. God is way more powerful than death and brokenness. He wants ME healed, and He wants YOU healed waaaay more than we know how to want it for ourselves. He is on our side.
The difficult part is that He is not limited by time. He is not limited by vision. He is not limited by anything. Since we are, we tend to not agree with His timing to see the full healing of brokenness we perceive we have. This is where growth in faith and patience for us begins. And unfortunately, we have to grow in faith and patience to see the fullness of our healing at times while everyone around us screams at us for not being healed quickly enough for their liking.
We can’t heal alone
To make matters worse, there are spiritual entities who distort the thoughts and voices of other humans and our own. Maybe they say that we will never get it right. Maybe they say we are too broken and pathetic because we don’t do what the law says to do, so we are condemned in our misery while we are already disappointed in ourselves. Maybe we cannot break those bad habits or make ourselves stop doing what we know is wrong, and we loathe our captivity to not being able to end the cycles happening in our lives.
These forces are too powerful for me and you to overcome on our own.
I have learned that I can’t save myself or other people. I can’t fix myself or other people. The more I have tried, the more I have been bound stronger and ridiculed louder as I ‘keep it together’ for a while and then crash over and over again. It’s insanity.
I choose not to fight my spiritual battles on my own. I choose to not give up on myself. I choose not to give up on my full healing and reaching the full potential God made for me in this lifetime. But I choose those beliefs because I am betting all I have inside me that God’s love, strength, wisdom, power, protection, and omnipresence (which means being everywhere all the time and throughout time and beyond time) is going to trump all my brokenness. He is going to break its lower, measly power of my brokenness. This brokenness CANNOT keep me from the love of God. “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39).
In losing everything in my broken parts of myself, I gain everything because God will be glorified by showing His power in healing it ALL, me included. I would bet my life on it, but I don’t have to because my life was paid for to have full healing and redemption. It seems this lower law of brokenness holding me cannot trump this higher law and truth of Christ’s/Yeshua’s Blood. I freaking PLEAD THE BLOOD and testify His power to be stronger than any brokenness in myself.
To all those voices from humans, from inside myself, and from all other realms that exist, God will glorify Himself through all His creation, INCLUDING myself, even if I am broken now. And even in my brokenness, He will win in me, and I win because of Him. Nothing can stop it as long as I believe God is THAT powerful.
I still feel broken and weak, but I have hope and belief that has developed over the years that seems to be more stable. I still feel like crying. I still feel vulnerable, and it still hurts, although less, when anyone, including myself, spews out negative things about me. What hurts the absolute most is the separation I feel from those fellow humans who spew these negative things at me. I love fellow humans. I hate the separation we collectively created with our negativity, cruelty, jealousy, envy, fear, mistrust, and selfishness,... I love healthy connection. I crave it with God, with myself, and with every creation that was created in God’s image (that would be you). I have patience for us all, including myself, as we grow, slowly going forward, striving to learn how to have those healthy, Godly connections. This growth means practicing on one another, getting it wrong a lot, and some of us never giving up getting better at it even if we suck at it for the rest of our lives! God knows and is happy with our choice to continue to try to love Him with everything and love our neighbors and ourselves. That’s the only one we have to impress. And He already paid the impressive price to show our worth to Him. Let that be impressed upon every thought in us or outside of us!
I’m going to go be silent now and just feel. God is there; if I just stay calm, I can hear and feel His comfort. May this raw, from-the-heart writing bless you and help you find the freedom you have in Him, even in your brokenness! YOU are just like me in this writing! God loves YOU in your brokenness. He has a plan and hope for YOU too. Breathe. Stay slow. You are NOT alone in your brokenness. God is there too. He is not intimidated by your brokenness, so you don’t have to be either!
We Are Owned By Love,
Katrina
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